Ghosting Is Not Okay — Yet, People Still Do It
“Ghosting is bad for both the ghoster and the ghosted. The ghoster knows they did not behave with integrity and they did not treat someone the way they would have like to have been treated” — Marriage therapist, Nicole Richardson
I am highly certain that we have all been there. I am very sure we have all been ghosted.
Hold up, though. What is ghosting?
According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, ghosting is to “abruptly cut off all contact with (someone, such as a former romantic partner) by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, instant messages, etc.”
Is ghosting normal?
Ghosting is definitely not a nice thing to do. It’s not only downright disrespectful, but it is also the following — cowardly, selfish, and immature. In a nutshell, it’s unacceptable behavior.
Unfortunately, ghosting has become more and more common over the years. The normalcy of casual sex hook-ups and increase in online dating apps have contributed to society’s acceptance of it, as well.
Well, the reality is it is absolutely not okay for human beings to ghost one another. In fact, it is mentally unhealthy.
Wait, ghosting impacts mental health?
It sure does. That also goes for both the ghoster and the ghosted more so than we ever realize.
So, if ghosting impacts mental health, then how so? What are some examples?
- It can cause one to overanalyze everything
When we get ghosted, we constantly ask ourselves and wonder what went wrong. We take it so personally to the point we realize it has nothing to do with us, but rather with them. It can often turn into a never-ending cycle, which makes it extremely difficult for some people to move on after they’ve been ghosted — especially after the ghosted feels he or she has developed a connection with the ghoster. It’s not fair when one is left hanging without knowing what happened.
2. Those who’ve been ghosted suddenly assume that there’s something wrong with them
This is when one’s self-esteem takes a massive blow. You’re not only wondering what in the world happened, but you also begin to wonder if there’s really something wrong with you.
Well, I am glad to say that it has absolutely nothing to do with the ghosted but more with the ghoster. Don’t get me wrong, though. In the beginning, it is difficult to not take being ghosted personally. But, those who ghost are the ones responsible for their own actions and it’s never about anything the ghosted did. Almost always, the ghosted has done absolutely nothing for communication to be abruptly called off.
3. No one wins in a ghosting situation
Yep. You read that one right. No one ever wins in a ghosting situation.
Ghosting negatively impacts both the ghoster and the ghosted. Ghosters eventually come to realize the consequences of their own actions and how they have made others really feel. They even begin to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and realize what an uncool move it really is. This even causes one to develop bad habits for future relationships.
I even came to realize that those who ghost others are very often unhappy in the relationships they end up in. People who are generally conflict avoidant are rarely transparent on what they really want and need, which can actually lead to further problems in the future with other people.
4. Ghosting is never the easy way out
Ghosting can either happen very quickly or very slowly. However, it is never the easy way out. It emotionally hurts a person in the long run, regardless whether one is the ghoster or the ghosted.
Specifically, those who ghost and those who get ghosted may begin to see this as being normal and get accustomed to it. I often see women say, “Who cares? I know I am going to get hurt again. Guys do this very often.”
Now, I am not trying to create any gender stereotypes here because both men and women do ghost. I’ve also met men who have been ghosted and they’re never happy about it, either. From my personal observations, women (who get ghosted) are more affected by it because they often overanalyze a bit more than men do.
However, this all comes to show why being transparent is healthier and fairer in the long run. It saves up all the hurt, the heartbreak, the disappointment, and the negative thought processes associated with ghosting.
4. Ghosting can actually leave one feeling obsessive and act “crazy”
This is going to sound scary, but ghosting can also be very dangerous. As a matter of fact, it actually creates stalker behavior.
With current social media, stalker behavior that results from ghosting has become more commonplace. For instance, one can keep checking Snapchat or Instagram stories to see if the person who ghosted you has seen your stories. Can you wonder how creepy it can be to send a text writing, “Hey there, I’ve noticed you’ve been checking out my social media stories but never responding to my texts.” Can’t you see how uncomfortable this all looks and sounds?
You often wonder what the person who ghosted you is doing in his or her life. For instance, you start to question, “Is he or she seeing or sleeping with someone else?,” “Is he or she really interested in me?,” “Is he or she actually going through a lot in life,” etc. This completely wrecks havoc on one’s mental health. It literally leads one to become increasingly neurotic and almost act “crazy.” It’s incredibly messed up.
Regardless, those who ghost are the ones who are often left feeling guilty about their actions. For those who don’t care, well…that comes to show what assholes they really are. It’s not your problem if someone is an asshole. You can’t control it, either. Also, those who ghost can also get ghosted too.
So, either think before you ghost or just don’t do it all. You’ll be doing yourself a massive favor.
So, what can I do if I’ve been ghosted? Especially if and when I am feeling so emotionally hurt?
Well, the good news is there are plenty of useful and healthy tools for you to use after you’ve been ghosted. As mentioned earlier, moving on after being ghosted can be hard. Hence, why time is a healer of a good many things. After being ghosted, you may feel as if you’re powerless and that you’ve lost control but that honestly isn’t the case. If you’ve been ghosted, believe me when I say this — you didn’t lose anything.
What are some of the helpful tools to use after you’ve been ghosted?
- Don’t bother texting a ghost.
I totally get it. Closure is very tempting. You want to feel as if you have or have gained the upper hand. I’ve been there and I totally know how it feels. This is going to sound pretty unusual, but texting a ghost will actually give the ghost more power. A ghost has already signaled that he or she is not interested in you, including not interested in having a conversation with you. So, there’s really no point in messaging them. Since we teach people how to treat us, we let the other party know that it’s okay to treat us this way.
According to online dating coach Amy North, “If someone ghosts you, you almost never gain anything by texting them. It won’t make you feel better. It won’t make them change their mind. People ghost because they’re afraid to have a real conversation about their feelings, and that’s not someone you want to be with anyway.”
2. Take care of yourself — mentally, physically, and emotionally. Afterwards, get back out there and move on.
More importantly, learn from what happened so to know how to handle this better in the future or to also prevent yourself from getting ghosted ever again. I can’t ever guarantee that ghosting will never happen more than once in your life, because there are plenty of people out there who enjoy avoiding confrontation.
Don’t take anything to heart. Your ghoster already did not have the decency or the courtesy to explain how he or she felt, so please don’t ever let your ghost take up space in your brain or anywhere else in your life. Holding onto anger or resentment gives them control of your emotions and we obviously don’t want that.
Say goodbye to the cowards. Say goodbye to the disrespectful. Letting that negative energy is the first step towards moving on. Do things that make you feel content, fulfilled, and emotionally safe. Then, please move on and choose to be with someone who doesn’t flake out on you like that ever again. You heart and mind will thank you for it.
